Just another misfortune in my life

My lymph nodes are swelling,, I still have fever and Im experiencing terrible headaches, chills and dizziness. What more can I ask for? It seems like Im having a nightmare and I cant hardly wait to wake up. The feeling of a sick person is truly a bad experience, Im not even going to mention all the fuzz that you need to go through. Well, I just have to live with it, I guess. All this stuff will go away. I'll be doing great sooner or later and I'll be feeling as if nothing happened, right? I hope so. I wish all things are like that. I mean, I wish that life isn't as complicated as it is. That things happen as if it was a dream. When something bad is happening to you, you can just think of it as if you you're just having one of those bad dreams at night. And afterwards, you can wake up and have a good day waiting for you.
As I've said, things were not doing great for the past weeks. I've been into some serious fight with a number of my so-called friends,, now, only classmates. I've been having bad days at school and in the hospital. And now, Im sick and Im bothered by so many things. Why do I have to think about what other people say about me? Well, that's the reality. Though I tried not to mind those rumors and bad stuffs against me, I just cant. I miss the old days,, back when I have so many friends, back when Im enjoying school and all that. But no matter what, I cant just go back as if I just woke up from a dream. Its not as easy as that, because its not like that anymore. Its not a a bad dream, nor just a bad day. (The sentimental me has come out again. I really dont want to think about these things anymore because it only ruins my day. Back to my normal, wholesome self....)

Meet the Fockers
Though I've been feeling bad, I still went out with my titas and cousins to watch for a movie this weekend. My overall rating for this film (Film critic ba ako? Wla lang, feel ko lang para hindi ko na maisip mga kagagahan ko.) 4 out of 5. It was a hilarious movie about two families trying to get along comically for their son and daughter's wedding. An entertaining movie that will make you forget about your problems... nakilimutan ko problema ko non ah.

Blessing in disguise

Things had been difficult for me this past few days. The people that I thought and expected to understand were, let me just say not being understanding and open-minded. I guess I just have to lower my expectations a little bit and try to rationalize what's happening. I just dont know what to do... Its just difficult to act as if nothings happening. I cried,,, and Im not afraid to show the world that im weak. I just have to face my problems on my own now and try to solve it one by one. Hope I can stand my life's trial.

(Breathing deeply)... how did that happen? My friendship with them was flowing out smoothly and before i know i,,, it was crushing like a glass. Maybe because I have never been a part and would never be a part of their life. Maybe because they never really treated me as a true friend. Maybe because I was never really good enough for them. Or maybe because Im just to hard to get along to. Thoughts like those were bothering me every second. I just cant think anymore. I have 2 projects that needs to be submitted tommorow but Im prioritizing this thing right now. I just cant think normal as i have said. Its just sad to think of it as that, but i cant do anything about it. I just dont know what happen. All I know is that they really really really hate me now. Almost all my classmates were talking about me and how annoying I am on school. Almost all of them were judging me. I hate it. Life really sucks!!!! Why does these things have to happen? I just cant go to school anymore without being talked about.

Am i such a brat???

People always get the wrong impression that im such a brat. Maybe because I'm the type who never cares about my other classmates and friends. Kung hindi mo ko kausapin hindi kita papansinin. Mei mali ba don??? I dont see anything wrong with that. Im just being myself,,, ayokong magpapansin tulad ng iba at ayokong i-please ang mga taong ayaw sken. Wla lang,,, why do i even bother? Wla nman tlga akong pakialam kung ganon iniisip nila eh.....

me with my high school chums at tapika. i miss the days!!! 

pseudo relationships....

Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends.
Pseudo-girlfriends.
Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite.
It is a phase where the persons involvedare more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement,puwedeng wala.
One or both of you may have admitted your feelings,possible ding hindi.
You just let your gestures do the talking for you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo,sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo,pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship"can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each other,and you want to be with each otherbut you broke up for a reason.
And for reasons that you alone know,ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship,iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag- seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang. (tama ba un?!)
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayokasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siyanakikipag-break doon sa boy/girl
(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soonpero di naman niya ginagawa),
wala muna kayong relasyonpara nga naman hindi siya nangangaliwakasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage,for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "KALARO."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expectna may patutunguhan kayo kzewala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settlesa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman siguradokung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan.
Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship,they would think that pseudo-relationshipis better than no relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you're afteris that "kilig" feeling.
But then I learned that although it wasonly a pseudo-relationship,the emotions were real.
And usually, in this kind of set up,merong malulugi.."ung nainlove sa taong taken na.."
Una, you can't ask him/her to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship,you can't demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?You will always be uncertainabout your role in his/her life.
You can't expect him/herto be always there with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other boys/girls,you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what ifyou fall deeply in love with him/her?
You can't be sure if he/she feels the same way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka langna mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him/her you love him/her,you can't.
Because you're not sureif he/she will like it.
Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonderwhere you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have investedall your emotions and this man/woman hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him/her,not entertaining other guys/gals,
only to find out that he/she is seeingother girls/boys?Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships,it is fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold,then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship,hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan.Kasi sa pseudo- relationship,there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us"

buti na lang buhay pa ko...

Hay,, a year has passed and here i am,, alone pa rin with no particular someone to call my own. Baket nga ba single pa rin ako? This thought just wont stop flashing in my head. its like screeming for no certain reason, gusto lang manggulo kc everything is flowing out smoothly as i've wanted it to be. But of course, there's always something unexpected that would pop out that will take me back again in that dark place. I hate it when that happens. Parang ngayon,, ayoko ng nararamdaman ko. Im in that dark place again and im doing all that i can to get out of there. But its just difficult for me to do that. Lalo na ngayong kinakalaban ko nararamdaman ko. I dont want to be bitter again,, i hate the guilt that comes with it. And i said to myself, im so over that stage. But what's happening? I just dont know what to do. There are some times when i just want to be numb and feel nothing for anything and anyone. It's a good idea right? Para you're free from your fellings and you dont easily get hurt when something bad just happen. But then, its not like that. That's not how the world goes and you just have to deal with it. Hay,,, sana i feel good again after this. Baka makatrigger pa to sa insomia ko ah.... Hush,,, hayaan ko na nga lang. Ano pa nga bang magagawa ko?