Words are words... thoughts are thoughts

(Me conversing with myself.)
“What you’re looking for is just in front of you.” What am I talking about? Ok, just this day, I’ve realized something important. A thought that surely makes me so empowered for a very special reason. I know all of us has been to a point wherein life’s too shaky and you don’t know what’s been happening into your life. There’s this point wherein your minds too busy thinking about problems and all those people judging you in your life. I know how you feel. I’ve just felt it 3 days ago and it’s still bugging me since the day I’ve realized that there’s a gazillion people living in this world and its stupid for you to expect that you can all please them. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that there’s one thing most of you hasn’t realized yet. That there’s something in you that can break all those fears, insecurities, problems, and pressures you’ve been going through away. Self- realization, realizing that what you want I already inside you. That you possess that thing from the second you got out off you mother’s womb.
You don’t need someone to tell you what happiness and completeness is all about. You don’t need someone to tell you what’s right or wrong. Some of us become dumb because of this thing that has been planted and stocked into our minds. We’re not prisoners of perfection. The society is just an illusion, a thought that can be changed without someone getting hurt or left behind. Ok, this has been too deep.
What I’m trying to imply is that you are the captain of you own ship, you are the one’s who perfectly know what gonna be good for yourself, not them. I hardly understand myself why am I so affected of what other people might think of me. It’s the dumbest thing of all. Why bother? Why do I have to mind them anyway? They're not me, they don’t even know half of me, why should I even have to listen to their stupid thoughts. Will that make me succeed? Could that make me smarter, prettier or nicer than everybody? Of course not. So making you realize that what you want and need is already inside you takes away all those pressures, insecurities and fears you’ve been going through away. I’ve realized that I got myself to back me up in whatever I need to do, in whatever I got to do.
Love yourself first. Learn that self-love is not selfish love. Because you cant love someone if you can’t love yourself. Imagine some giving his all to his someone. What a dumb person! He/she can’t even love you because you yourself proved that you’re not worth-loving.
People kinda makes so many mistakes that they’ve realized that they’re too dumb for a human being to be called human. I’ve made so many mistakes up to the point wherein I don’t trust myself anymore. Yeah, you’re all right; I’m an imperfect person. But who isn’t?
This instance made me think of this one thing, I don’t know if it’s stupid but I’ll say it anyway. Am I that important to them? Why is it that they’re wasting their time to someone not even worth the effort of? People are really silly. Don’t they have something more productive to do? Are their own lives not that important compared to mine that they’re wasting their time on me. Such losers! I hate people who judge. Don’t they know how to understand and accept? Every one of us has their own identity that makes us unique. And that uniqueness separates us to those weak ones who mimic and are lost.
The society ha turned into this competitive scenario wherein standards are set to distinguish who is and who isn’t. Have you forgotten that God made us all equal? Didn’t you know that we were all creations of God’s love? I don’t wanna be like everybody. I wanted to make a difference. And so, I’ll be different. I’m not gonna compare myself to someone to know what’s gonna be right or wrong for me, but I’m gonna make myself important that’ll leave a mark in someone else’s life.
I’m not gonna be like you. Who are you anyway? Who are you to tell me that you’re more desirable than me? Such an insecure person. You and I were two different people. We’re not even close to being compared. Our color doesn’t even look the same. Be yourself. Don’t be like everybody. Sure you got what I once love but isn’t that the one that made me stupid that time. He’s all yours, I don’t care at all. He’s a mistake and he is a loser! What makes you think I want him back? What makes you think you’re better just because you got him?

Coming Back

This day is the first day that I’ll be writing again since I turned 20 this year. Last May 27 was my birthday but I haven’t really realized that until now. I’m 20 years old and I’m suppose to be matured enough for my age. So I decided to write something more appropriate for me. For most of you who don’t know me well, I’m Indira. (Tama ba nmang I introduce pa ang pangalan ko?) Anyway, I found out that I love writing few months ago when I became heart-broken and realized that I can better express my feelings through writing.
I can’t say that I’ve matured or somehow out-grown my childish ways on expressing my emotions and all those thoughts that’s been exploding out off my head. But I can say that I somehow changed the way I think and react on some matters.
I LOVE MY BLOG!!! I love writing. But since I got busy in school and my social life, I forgot or should I say “neglected” writing. But now that I’m a bum and still enjoying my vacation from school and hospital duties, I’ve discerned that I’m still gonna pursue one of my passions. I’m still gonna write.
I told you a while ago that I’m a bum, so it’s clear to you that I’ve been spending my days here at home doing nothing productive at all. I’m feeling so useless right now. Who can blame me? I’m a self-confess lover of sleeping and it’s the one thing that I’ve really missed doing since I’ve engrossed myself on clubbing, talking all night on the phone and all those things that’s been keeping me from sleeping normally. Anyway, now that I have so much time for myself, I’ve realized so many things in my life.
I’m not a child anymore, I’m an upcoming fourth year student and sooner or later, I’m gonna graduate and will take all these exams for me to be able to become really free from my duties as a daughter and a student. I've thought of so many things, some of it were stupid things, but most were really important matters.
Another school year has passed. A new school year will come. A new life for me will take place. So many things had happened and so many things have changed. No more boyfriends for me to think about, no more problems about him to mind. I don’t wanna have those things again this semester. Now that I’m totally over with boys especially with him, hopefully things will work out right. Ayoko muna magka-bf. Pass muna ako sa mga ganyan.
Believe me, its true! I don’t want any distractions this time. I can’t let another guy deceive me again and I can’t afford another heartache. I’ve wasted so much time with them and I don’t want that to happen again. I’m serious! I’m not a boy-hater and I’m not pessimistic about love. I just want to have a peaceful, distraction-free, and simpler life.
Another thing that I’ve thought about – pagpapakabait. That’s my topmost priority right now. No more this and that, just pure, nice things. I don’t need to do stupid things for me to be called “cool” and no more hesitations on doing good. I don’t wanna be like them who judge. I don’t want to be classified with the insecure ones. Diba? People who judge and mind other people’s business their business are those who are insecure, envious, and walang magawa. Matatanda na tayo diba, we should act mature for our age. Basta ako, all I want is a peaceful life. Anyone who desires to ruin that peace can try. But I’ll never let you.
No more people judging me, no more people talking about me and no more people minding my own business. Just me doing my own thing. Me, enjoying my life. And me, surviving on my own.